星期四, 5月 29, 2008

畫畫話口水:呸呸小綠綠




今天傳來中部女子第一學府的消息,簡言之就是小綠綠自高樓向下朝路人呸口水、擲飯菜,又將過程攝錄上傳公諸於世,引來撻伐。批評者的論調仍然是老梗中的老梗,譬如說「書讀得好有啥用」!關於這些無力的批評,想當年我學弟「哈佛快槍俠」事件的評論也是秉此基調(),所以大家隨便看看就算了,我們應該朝更寬廣的角度思考此事件。

「書讀得好有啥用」,我倒認為書讀得好其實用處很多,譬如說以後可以選總統,但是這無關宏旨。因為重點在於呸口水,而不是書讀得好不好。所以我們應該換過來想,「呸口水呸得好有什麼用」?更精確地說,「一名很會呸口水的小綠綠有什麼用」?朝此設想才是具有建設性的評論。

很會呸口水的小綠綠,我覺得用處多多。因為我記得小時候家父常帶我到壽山動物園欣賞動物被監禁下的各色姿態,狗熊喝水、大象拉屎一幕幕盡在眼前,對孩童來說感到有趣萬分,原來動物和人的差別不大也是要吃喝拉撒睡,買票進場就是要看他們被關起來吃喝拉撒睡(如果沒關起來就恐怖了)。其中,駱駝流口水和呸口水是其中一個百看不厭的項目,牠們可以張開嘴巴好似一江春水一直流、一直流,把口水絲牽得很長,或者興之所至朝引起不爽的位置呸個口水,就像打噴嚏不摀嘴一樣。這種單純的動作,總是可以讓天真單純無邪赤誠一片潔白如我大笑再三。如果真要說什麼具體的理由,那就和迷上X-Japan或李廷鎮一樣不需要有什麼理由。

如果我們回到小綠綠和呸口水的討論,我非常支持該位小綠綠把呸口水練好,因為那或許至少可以像動物園裡的駱駝呸口水一樣逗孩童開心。想想看,穿著小綠綠制服的小綠綠在一間四周是透明玻璃的小房間裡,施展各式呸口水的絕技,譬如說往前呸出一段水柱然後又快步趕上一個側身用嘴接回口水,這本身就是一種藝術。在競爭激烈的未來社會,這可以是一種出人頭地的方式,而且書讀得好就派上用場了,廣告紅布條可寫上「㊣最會唸書的口水達人」!

謹將本作獻給越來越苗條的音樂小魔女──037!





There's a gap in the 20th century, and it fills the world with dreams
when you got in the looks and the rest just words
and that's what it's like

so hold on tight 'til you can't even read
another record shop story that I was born to die
it'll come out real, and we're losin time

maybe it got swinged from a baby´s hand
too young to understand
all there is to know
to lose your soul

Alien backed down from planet ____
unhappy with their dying stars
in search for the one
then wrap it around the sun
they know who you are

could be the stars at the day there outisde your door
and all has changed, evermore, confused
that's why I have to know the truth
was it you
was it inside you

maybe it got swinged from a baby´s hand
too young to understand
all there is to know
if you're gonna lose your soul
yes I got my feet in the sky
and I wonder why
you'd be the one be pleased to go
I'm the only star in what's to know